Anxiety Much?

I'd like to think I am a relatively confident and capable first time mom. However, my dreams are telling me otherwise bringing an awareness to me about some anxieties that i may need to go to therapy for. Here are a couple of examples of what my subconscious mind puts me through.

Baby Auction - This was the most entertaining and emotion invoking of all of my dreams about losing Jett. Here it goes:

I am enjoying a picnic inside an unidentified restaurant with two of my very best friends. My childhood friends, Heather and Diane, are enjoying a lovely day with their cute little girls along with Jett and I. Heather and I get up and take a stroll around the restaurant. We return to find that Jett is gone. I realize that i didn't take Jett with me on our walk. I also did not ask anyone to watch him while I walked around. Now he is GONE! Heather and i go on an intense search to find him. It is getting late. Heather turns to face me and says, "Don't look now, but behind me are a group of babies... they are up for auction. You need to go up and find Jett. Don't let them know that you have lost your baby or they will take you away. Find Jett and bid on him!"

I go up to the babies. There's Jett!!!! Oh my goodness!!! Thank God! I get close to him.... only it isn't him. Each baby looks very similar to Jett, but as i get close they have something that isn't quite right. None of the babies are mine! Heather tells me she must leave (she would never do this in real life... that should have given the dream away immediately). I continue looking and become anxious about how i will tell Todd, my Mom, my Dad... everyone that i have lost Jett. Well, i won't have to tell them because i will find him!!

I continue looking. I come across a room of women who are obviously the caretakers of the stolen babies. I wake them up one by one, but none of them speak English. Finally i find one that speaks English and convince her to tell me where tonight's stolen babies are taken. She tells me that i must go to the back door of the Buffalo Wild Wings on 88th st. I start to go there... then it happens. I hear Jett's cry... This sounds usually doesn't put a smile on my face, but it is the happiest moment. I grab him from his crib and cry while i nurse him. I cry while I tell Todd the dream in the morning. how, oh how, would you go on without your child. I love you Jett.

Baby Drop - I also apparently have anxiety about dropping Jett. This dream is short and sweet.

I have to babies in my arms. The one in my left is Jett and the one in my right is an unidentified baby. I am going about everyday life with them both in my arms. Every time i stop in between tasks i find that Jett is no longer in my arms. I look around and find him laying on the floor unharmed, but obviously i have dropped him out and not even realized it. This dream goes on and on...

Boogers and Chopsticks

What is the scariest part about being a mom thus far? I'd have to say boogers. They seem harmless, but when you have an infant who has no idea how to blow their nose, it becomes a serious situation. I have awakened several times in the past 6 weeks by a stuffy nosed Jett. The first time was, of course, the scariest. It was 2 am and i awoke to what sounded like Jett gasping for air (actually it sounded more like he had a pissed of pot-bellied pig bunking with him in his crib). I hurried down from the loft, my heart beating. Jett calmed down a bit, which seemed to make the breathing a bit easier. Not wanting to be the mom who panics, i told myself he was fine and sat down to nurse. I couldn't calm myself and called Todd down from the loft as i was convinced that not only could Jett not breath, he was unable to nurse because of this. He was either going to suffocate or starve. We turned on all the lights, pulled out that silly bulbous nose sucker thingy. We tried to clear his nose several times, but were unsuccessful. I was close to complete panic when I saw the culprit. I leave out the nasty details, but that is AMAZING?!?!? That came out of there?????

Just this morning we had another booger situation. I'm now aware, that he can breathe and that it just sounds awful. Todd and i sat down and began our operation. I used the sucker thingy and he looked for the nasty little or big green thing. This time, we needed more tools. Lets just say that there are many uses for chopsticks. And, I am thankful for Todd's amazing chopstick abilities. Love you Babe!

Letter to a Bear

Dear Mr/Mrs. Bear,

It had been some time since we heard from you last. Yesterday morning it was apparent that you had come to visit once again. This time you didn't break into my car, or my basement or my backpack.

Several beautiful blue jays gathered outside, their bright feathers catching my eye. Another reminder of the paradise in which we live. As a looked a little closer i saw an object i couldn't quite identify. I walked a little closer to the jays and they scattered hesitantly. It was then that i realized that those jays were feasting on an entire bag of chicken scratch... oh wait, i see another bag a little farther up the hill! How, oh how, did that those two 25 pound bags of scratch make it all the way up the hillside? Mr Bear... i think you have the answer.

It is November, and i was sure you were already hibernating. I don't blame you for enjoying this 70 degree weather, but enough is enough. Its time for you to find your bed for the winter, curl up, and sleep... We'll see you next May.

Love,

J