I'd like to think I am a relatively confident and capable first time mom. However, my dreams are telling me otherwise bringing an awareness to me about some anxieties that i may need to go to therapy for. Here are a couple of examples of what my subconscious mind puts me through.
Baby Auction - This was the most entertaining and emotion invoking of all of my dreams about losing Jett. Here it goes:
I am enjoying a picnic inside an unidentified restaurant with two of my very best friends. My childhood friends, Heather and Diane, are enjoying a lovely day with their cute little girls along with Jett and I. Heather and I get up and take a stroll around the restaurant. We return to find that Jett is gone. I realize that i didn't take Jett with me on our walk. I also did not ask anyone to watch him while I walked around. Now he is GONE! Heather and i go on an intense search to find him. It is getting late. Heather turns to face me and says, "Don't look now, but behind me are a group of babies... they are up for auction. You need to go up and find Jett. Don't let them know that you have lost your baby or they will take you away. Find Jett and bid on him!"
I go up to the babies. There's Jett!!!! Oh my goodness!!! Thank God! I get close to him.... only it isn't him. Each baby looks very similar to Jett, but as i get close they have something that isn't quite right. None of the babies are mine! Heather tells me she must leave (she would never do this in real life... that should have given the dream away immediately). I continue looking and become anxious about how i will tell Todd, my Mom, my Dad... everyone that i have lost Jett. Well, i won't have to tell them because i will find him!!
I continue looking. I come across a room of women who are obviously the caretakers of the stolen babies. I wake them up one by one, but none of them speak English. Finally i find one that speaks English and convince her to tell me where tonight's stolen babies are taken. She tells me that i must go to the back door of the Buffalo Wild Wings on 88th st. I start to go there... then it happens. I hear Jett's cry... This sounds usually doesn't put a smile on my face, but it is the happiest moment. I grab him from his crib and cry while i nurse him. I cry while I tell Todd the dream in the morning. how, oh how, would you go on without your child. I love you Jett.
Baby Drop - I also apparently have anxiety about dropping Jett. This dream is short and sweet.
I have to babies in my arms. The one in my left is Jett and the one in my right is an unidentified baby. I am going about everyday life with them both in my arms. Every time i stop in between tasks i find that Jett is no longer in my arms. I look around and find him laying on the floor unharmed, but obviously i have dropped him out and not even realized it. This dream goes on and on...
